Sometimes I wonder, where it all went wrong! I had a bunch of friends around me, multiple groups with whom I was comfortable with, sharing laughs, working out, talking over stupid things, and sometimes pretty intense & mature stuff. Life was good. Life's supposed to be good. Though I had found my solace with blogging in the last 2 years of my graduation, I got cut off from most of the people who were once my closest friends. All because of a misunderstanding, but I was hurt. I felt broken, with the way they treated me after knowing me for years, after believing in someone else over me.
Yes, after a long break from Blogging, I have started writing this post today, and yet opened with a sad stance.
Writing about smartphones & technology was one thing I was passionate about, during my last 2 years of under-graduation. The world of blogging, was unknown and relatively new for me. But once I got into it, I liked writing, expressing my feelings about tech or smartphones in front of few hundreds of people who chose to read my blog. I drifted apart, lost touch with the blogging community after I got a placement in an MNC.
Second chances are difficult too!
I thought to myself, that I got a second chance. To be better, and not naive. I made so many friends during the initial training days at my office, of which a few of us were very tight. I again had a sense of happiness, the void in me being filled, and I saw my old-self (while it lasted).
But life isn't always fair, is it? The fun lasted only few months, and we were all put into projects. There was excitement, and enthusiasm to learn new things, work with new people. Apparently, most of my team had other plans. It DID NOT go as expected! And hence started two things: Frustration & Stress.
Both are so tightly bound to me, that I did not see things clearly. Made pretty big mistakes career wise, which to this day I am facing the consequences of. But, they are something most people in their lives tend to make, those most common mistakes. I can live with myself for making those mistakes, because I still have time to correct them.
Being Bald at 25 is not a sexy way to live
But there were 2 other things in particular, that hit me the most, due to Stress & Frustration. Two pretty big things for me: Hair-loss & Weight gain 😞 I stress eat, hence the weight gain. Stress, added with unhealthy food must have accelerated my hair loss. And as a consequence for worrying too much about a stupid project and a stupid team, I now am left with my hair almost gone, leaving me bald and fat at 25. The latter, I can take into my hands, which I did and recently lost around 10kgs. But the former, is something that is out of my hands, and have to live with for the rest of my life. And the worst part is, it completely killed my confidence. I now stay uninterested in everything, from meeting my friends, to attending functions/parties, let alone have the courage to talk to a girl who I like or install Tinder for that matter. After all, what's life without companionship?
Whining is OK!
By now, it is evident that I am whining. Yes, I am. And I don't deny it. After years of bottling up my feelings, not being able to talk about these with anyone, I finally came to a sense that I can express myself, whine or rant about anything on my blog. Relieve myself of this added pressure. It's a tough world we live in. Not everyone are lucky enough to have good & understanding friends/family. For that matter, most of my own relatives believe I am the only one who doesn't look as good. I know that it's a fact, but it still hurts to hear them say to your face. Wouldn't it?
Venting out feelings, using the medium I personally like the most - Writing is something I should have thought a lot earlier. It feels good, to be back to writing, even something as stupid/petty as this post, I get a good feeling, with every keystroke, yet again. Cheers..!!
Comments
Post a Comment